You hear a lot of interesting crap when you just sit…and listen. Believe me.
Oh sure, some people might call it rude. But I tend to agree with American photographer Walker Evans, when he said, “Stare, pry, listen, eavesdrop. Die knowing something. You are not here long.”
So, eavesdropping schmeavesdropping. I call it entertaining blog fodder. So here you go…
In the summer of 2023, my daughter and I made a lengthy journey to Newfoundland for the legal closing of the cabin we’d bought a month earlier. We filled the car. As my dad would say, it was “loaded to the teets”. (Side note: as I was researching where this saying came from, I had a forehead-slapping moment. The saying is actually “loaded to the teeth”. Insert an emoji eye roll here.)
There wasn’t much room for anything but the two of us with the back full of thrift shop bedding, our luggage, a massive blowup boat, and enough tools to build a brand-new structure. Our mission: to pretty up a cabin unused for many years and ready it for Airbnb.
As most of you know, Newfoundland is an island. The only way you and your vehicle can get there involves a ferry. Well, unless you have an extra $20,000 burning a hole in your pocket to hire a cargo plane. Otherwise, here are your options:
- Shortest: A little less than two hours from Blanc-Sablon, Quebec, near the Labrador border to St. Barbe, on the western side of Newfoundland. From my home, the dock is a 1-day and 12-hour drive on “mostly paved roads” with limited cell service and very few gas stations. Followed by an 11-hour drive to the cabin.
- Mid: The water crossing at North Sydney, Nova Scotia, to Port aux Basques, Nfld is 6-8 hours. This is a 21-hour drive from home and then another ten to cross the province.
- Longest: In the summer, you can also hop on the boat that takes you to the eastern side to a town called Argentia. You can bauble and barf for 15-16 hours, and then it’s a mere two-hour trek to the cabin.
Due to availability, we chose a combination of the last two for our journey there and back.
Enough logistics. Let’s get to the juicy deets.
Besides getting you to Newfoundland, the ferry is a delicious spot for social interaction, people watching, and eavesdropping.
Small Talk at Sea
Driving the car onto the deck, I followed worker prompts and ‘come hither’ finger wags until my bumper was nearly head-butting the vehicle in front of me.
Sucking in every bit of belly that I could, I squeezed out. Guilt bubbled up as I spied the couple in front of me awkwardly attempting to retrieve something from their trunk. With white spikes lining his scalp, he was a has-been rockstar with his faded-in-all-the-expensive-places jeans, wobbling from his morning moonshine. That’s the narrative I created in my head, anyway.
“I’m sorry,” I automatically blurted, even though I had followed instructions and parked the way I was told.
“No worry.” The gentleman with a strong Newfie accent patted my hood. “She’s a Volkswagen!”
His wife, who could’ve been mistaken for a doughnut-obsessed apple doll, grinned.
“Oh no,” she winced, eyeing up the nearby stairs, “we needs the elevator. Me knees can’t handle it!”
Because we didn’t book 6 months ahead of sailing, we settled in amongst “the great unwashed”* in spaces of varying sizes. Some lounges were large enough for a couple of hundred people, while others felt more “private” with seating for maybe 40.
*Unlike “to the teets”, this IS a true saying, coined in 1830 by novelist Edward Bulwer-Lytton.
At exactly 8:00 pm, three “Hallelujahs” sounded. At first, I figured it was someone’s cell phone but apparently, this is done every night over the ferry’s speaker system to signal “quiet time”.
“Oh no,” chuckled a guy loudly behind us. “The storm must be worse than we thought!”
About 10 of us burst out laughing while the rest brought out their best wide-eyed-you’ve-done-something-naughty mom glares.
Jeepers Creepers: People Watching
Some of what we saw:
- There were many folks prepped for the night crossing. This must be a thing, I thought, watching Therm-a-Rest pads laid in corners and between aisles and fuzzy blankets become tents. (Online chatter later informed me that it’s not allowed.)
“You must have done this before,” I said, watching a shiny-haired redhead slide into a sleeping bag at my feet.
“No, never!” she responded sheepishly, misunderstanding when I was impressed.
- While waiting in the vehicle line at the ferry terminal, we watched a snowy-haired couple in the van ahead of us, folding bed sheets the same teal colour as his button-up. Turns out they settled into the seats behind us. (I recognized the shirt and sheet before anything else.) Once they tucked bifocals into shirt pockets, they quickly fell into a deep slumber. About every fifteen minutes, the back of our seats would rattle. What sounded like a hungry horse emitting wet farts (him) would be followed by a rush of wind in the willows (her).
Not-so-Accidental Eavesdropping
Some examples of our “musical backdrop”:
- Someone desperately in need of a neti pot went through enough Kleenexes to soak up the water in the channel below us.
- A couple two rows back argued for too long about whether wifi was attainable during the crossing.
“M-A-R-I-N-E-A-L-T! Try it. It’s the internet, but it’s sh@t!” I imagined a bushy-bearded 50-yr-old. In actuality, he was about a decade younger, pecs and biceps strained against his Nike t-shirt. Their conversation then turned to weekend plans.
“We could invite them over for a drink,” she offered. “Just one, though. One drink. I can do one drink. Last time was too many. I was drunk.”
“Yeah, you were!”
- The rocking of the boat seemed to be quite effective in helping me purge. Yes, I’m talking gas. For many minutes, I sent up thank yous to Our Lady of Silent Farts. Suddenly, though, I cracked one out. My face was burning as much as my butt, and just as I started to pray for the Cabot Strait to gobble me up, well…the butt of the woman behind me responded with an equally juicy fluffer-doodle. Thankfully, we bonded in laughter.
Keep your eyes open wide and your eardrums even wider because you never know what you’ll hear or see or who you’ll meet on your ventures. Plus, it sure helps time pass. You can only read ferry signs and stare at maps for so long…
What’s the best nugget you’ve gotten while eavesdropping?
Here’s one you won’t believe from a couple I follow on Facebook:
And here’s what we saw and heard while people watching in Cuba: