Living on a planet that is 71% water and about 600,000 km of coastline means there are millions of beaches around this world.
Beachfarer.com claims that the definition of “beach” is challenging due to changing water levels, unmapped islands, difficult and sometimes inaccessible terrain interfering with surveys, and the simple question of where one beach ends and another begins.
All that to say: I have only been to a teeny-weeny portion of the world’s waterfront.
So, as per usual, take my tongue-in-cheek comments with a grain of salt (or a few grains, since none of the shores mentioned here are freshwater).
BATHSHEBA BEACH, BARBADOS
Best Beach…
- to find Sargassum in your butt crack
Never heard of sargassum? Like me, you probably know what it is but didn’t have a name for it.
That Darn Gross Gunk That Scratches My Ankles and Pops As I Walk On It – that one doesn’t count. I mean, an official name.
Sargassum is a brown macroalgae that’s part of the seaweed family. Named after the Sargasso Sea in the Atlantic Ocean, it drifts via currents in sometimes-kilometre-wide clumps around the Caribbean and off the coast of Africa. It provides a habitat for marine species such as fish, crabs, sea turtles, migratory birds.
It’s awkward and uncomfortable to walk or swim through, is filled with insects of all kinds and has quite a stink as knee-high layers of it decay on the shore.
- for world-class surfing
The caveat is that if you’re going to Hang Ten here you need to be either a professional or someone who isn’t afraid of a coral-encrusted death.
There’s a memorial close to the shore for 16-year-old Zander Venezia, an experienced surfer who died after slamming his head on the reef.
- to have your own personal “warm tub”
“Wait, why do I only see the heads of those two people?” I asked Mark as we approached the beach, barren except for two heads floating in calm waters surrounded by limestone with surf crashing mere metres away.
The mystery was solved as we rambled closer and discovered tide pools – some of them big enough to immerse your body up to your neck.
With only a couple of people in the vicinity, we were like Goldilocks, wandering from pool to pool and experimenting until we found the perfect one.
Being careful not to brush against sea urchins, we settled in and ogled brightly coloured fish a little smaller than our big toes as they darted around our legs and played tag between our fingers.
CAYO COCO, CUBA
Best Beach to…
- bask in shades of water perfectly matched with Aryan eye colour
- get sand flea bites
Even though they’re often referred to as sand hoppers or beach fleas, the mostly harmless sand fleas are actually crustaceans. Yep, like lobsters or crabs.
There are some, known as the Tunga penetrans, whose bite can lead to dangerous infection, but generally the sand fleas you encounter while slathering on sunscreen and building sandcastles in this Caribbean spot are relatively harmless.
They just leave you looking like you hung out at a chicken pox party.
Two pros, though: due to hundreds of red dots, no one will notice your unshaven shins and you’re bound to lose weight with the calories you expend scratching.
PLAYA POTRERO, COSTA RICA
Best Beach to…
- be left alone
Except for that ménage à trois who kept fondling each other and who, despite having acres of beach, camped out only twenty feet away from our here-for-a-bit setup.
If you do want a crowd, wander past the treeline, and dip into the shell-based beach. The thick, coarse base and fast surf will leave you feeling like a kid again as you splash and tumble.
Until you notice that the laugh-inducing game of drag-you-back-and-forth is like an aggressive skin peel.
And you’ll still be peeling souvenir shells from your nether regions a couple of days and six showers later.
LUMSDEN, NEWFOUNDLAND
Driving around the northern coast after our stay at Musgrave Harbour, we happened upon these four beaches spanning about a mile of the Kittiwake Coast. (See – are there really 4 separate beaches or should it be considered just one?!?)
There may have been a dozen people wandering the sandy shore. It was quiet except for the slap of the waves, the rush of the wind, and the roar of the four-wheeler rocketing over the dune-like hills that almost sent us home in coffins.
Best Beach to…
- fly a kite
- get the windblown look without a hairdryer or product
- find a dead seal
Those are just four of millions of beaches around this spinning globe. What shoreline is your favourite and why?
